Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
