were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
