I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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