youre lurking in front of me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
