Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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