I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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