i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry about my life...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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