all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
