Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
