Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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