Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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