they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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