She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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