I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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