Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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