Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
