I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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