another moral hangover. fuck.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
