Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
