literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
