I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
