Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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