Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I could fuck to npr.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
