at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize