How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
