Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
