im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize