My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
