He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
