she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
