how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
