Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All I want is dick and wine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
