For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
