So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
