a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
