you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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