Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
