1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
