so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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