fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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