Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This house was built for laser tag.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
