So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
