just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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