Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize