Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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