As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
