420 ftw
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
