I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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