So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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