I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
