The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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