HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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