He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
