it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
