I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
