her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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