all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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