i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
