so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
