You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
