Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she told me i tasted like america
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
