i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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