So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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