when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
