I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
