All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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