Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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