So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
