I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
