i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
