so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
